


I'm Still In Love

by orphan_account



Category: X-Men (Movieverse), X-Men - All Media Types, X-Men: First Class - Fandom
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, Awkward/Hesitant Fluff, Depression, F/M, Fluff, Friendship, Love Triangle, Mentions of Sex, Mentions of miscarriage, Possible smut later, Pregnancy, Supportive Hank, Unrequited Love, breakdowns, mentions of self har
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-14
Updated: 2017-12-14
Packaged: 2019-02-04 18:47:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,660
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12777219
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: (Based on the song 'Nothing' by the Script)





	1. Chapter 1

I know if she sees how much I’m hurting, s[he]’ll take me back for sure. 

It had been nearly five years since you had last seen him. You knew that you could never have him, not from what you could see; he had a family now. He looked as good as ever when you had used your powers to peek in on him. But now he had a wife, he had a baby girl on the way.   
After much persuasion and eventual loneliness you decided to take up Charles on his offer to be a teacher at his school, using the art degree you’d gotten to some use on educating kids of the wonders of art. The work could be dull, but you loved the energy and atmosphere at the school. That was the reason why you hadn’t left already, you couldn’t bear to leave now for the fear of loneliness. The kids were great to teach, always so full of energy and enthusiasm.  
You were stuck in your thoughts about Erik when someone tapped your shoulder. Hank. You blinked a few times, swallowing the lump in your throat. You turned to him, and his face spoke concern. “Hey, (y/n), you doing alright? You’ve just been standing here in the hallway for a few minutes.”   
“Yeah, it’s just-” you choked on the last word. Him.  
Hanks eyes softened. He placed a hand on your shoulder, giving a reassuring squeeze. “I’m always here to talk if you need someone.” You looked down to the floor, offering a meek smile to him. Hank took his opportunity to then leave, and you left off in the opposite direction. You wanted to get outside, to get fresh air so you wouldn’t have another episode in the mansion, right in front of the people you wanted to respect you.   
You walked until the trees were thick, until you came across a certain tree you enjoyed sitting under when you missed him. Your powers allowed you to see him when you wanted, but it became hard to do so at times, because seeing him so happy and so free with someone else made you nearly choke every time. Seeing him was like sweet torture; a sweet feeling would fill you, the void finally shutting. Then she would appear, and her bloated stomach would sink you right back down to where you had begun to crawl out of. You always told yourself that it was him that didn’t deserve you, but you knew deep down he believed it the other way around. He left, he decided he didn’t love you anymore.   
Sitting on the patch of worn earth under your favourite tree, you laid your back against the smooth bark. You closed your eyes, focusing on him. You could feel his breathing, his heartbeat, his eyes. You could see him; your powers felt more like a curse when you usually saw him. But not today. Today he was chopping wood by himself, wife elsewhere. You were technically present, but he could not see you. Like a ghost. You were projected there but chose not to be visible. There was a reason Charles had fought so hard for you to come to the school; your powers were unlike any he’d seen. You could make copies of yourself, like little ghosts and send them anywhere in the world. You could find anyone by their heartbeat, and you could disappear whenever you chose.   
He was hard at work, sweating profusely, only occasionally wiping his brow. There was only a few more logs for him to cut, and you knew his wife would be out at some point to give him a drink for his labours. You were hoping that she for some purpose wouldn’t, but just as you suspected she came on out with a glass for him as he finished. He greeted her with a goofy and wide grin, one you had only received from him a handful of times. Then he was drinking the clear drink heartily, afterwards rubbing her swollen center affectionately. You felt your heart pulling itself, and you looked away. You opened your eyes, bringing yourself back to the woods, back to the mansion. You flashed into your bedroom, too upset to even speak or interact with anyone.   
You laid in your bed, curled up in the fetal position. Your heart ached heavily and you were sobbing silently. Why you tortured yourself was above what you could understand. The pillow was soaked beneath you, and the blankets were kicked to the floor in anguish. How would you possibly ever get over him? You eventually drifted to sleep, dreaming of nothing.


	2. Chapter 2

The next morning, you could barely pull yourself out of bed on time. You took a long shower, hoping to wash the torment of the previous night out. It didn’t work. You took several deep breaths and plastered the best smile you could to your face to greet the day before exiting your bedroom. Students bustled about, an occasional  _ hello _ floated your way as you made the journey across the mansion to your classroom. When you got there, no one was in your room. You were late by only five minutes so it surprised you when no one was in your class. Save for one person: Charles. He was looking at something on the wall in your classroom when you walked in. He turned his chair around when you set your bag down on the wooden desk. 

“Ah, (y/n), you’re finally here!” He smiled warmly at you. 

“Uh, good morning, Charles. Where’s my class, do you know?” You rifled through your bag looking for the lesson plans of the day. He cleared his throat. You flicked your gaze over at him. 

“I’ve dismissed all of your classes for the day.” You turned wholly to see him, eyebrows knit in confusion. 

“Why?” 

“I know about yesterday and yesterday night. I know about him.” You felt your throat close in. “I’m not going to try and change your mind on how you feel about him, but for the sake of you and those around you, I  _ need  _  you to stop tearing yourself apart over  _ him _ .” Charles’ smile had disappeared and was replaced by only a frown. 

“Look, I just… I don’t know. I don’t know why I do it but I need to see  _ him _ . I miss him so much it feels like I’m falling apart without him.” Your eyes began to water and you turned your head away. 

He moved his chair to be close to you. Charles took your hand in his and held it firmly. You looked down at his sweet smile and briefly wondered why you couldn’t have been in love with him instead. You managed a pained smile. “Thank… you.” You choked out before your body was wracked with sobs. You were pulled into his lap in the chair and you cried on the shoulder of his blazer. He held you sweetly and whispered reassurances into your ear.  After a few minutes you pulled away a bit, his arms still loosely around you. 

“Would you like to go to the garden?” He asked quietly. You wiped your eyes solemnly and nodded your hair. Standing, you and Charles exited the room, and he led you out from the quiet halls (now that class was in session) to the garden. You sat on a concrete bench amidst the blooming flowers and the greenery. Charles pulled as close to you as the chair allowed him to. 

“I’m sorry.” He began. “I’m sorry for everything. I’m sorry for how he’s treated you. I am just so-” 

“You don’t have to be- honestly. I’ll get over him at some point I just don’t know when or how to be fair.” You cast a look to your shoes. “I just want to feel that good again, feel as good as I once had with him. But that’s behind me I suppose. I just have to grow up, as much as an adult woman can,” You and him both let out short laughs, “and blossom from the slumber I suppose I’ve been in.” 

Charles looked at you with tender eyes. He always looked at you so fondly, you wondered if somewhere in the years you’d known him that he’d loved you. For certain he carried a fondness that was unlike what he displayed to others. Your face grew red at the thought, the notion that he’d pined for you quite possibly the way you’d pined for the man he once called his best friend. You swallowed a lump in your throat. “Are you alright?” Charles leaned further in, resting a hand on yours. 

“Uh, yea-yeah. I’m great.” You said unconvincingly, to which Charles raised a brow but didn’t press the matter. “Just a little flustered that’s all.” He nodded, but his brows was still cocked. 

The two of you sat in silence for a few moments before he cleared his voice. “I have to be going, please do come by my office later, I want to continue this chat at some point. But for now, I must get going.” He leaned in to give you a reassuring half-hug and a peck on the cheek. 

“I’m going to see him again today.” You blurted as he began to move away. He frowned, beginning to open his mouth but then promptly shutting his mouth. “I think I need closure at this point. I just need to see him. His wife left last night to go to her mother’s. I need this.” Charles sighed. 

“Do be careful.” Was all he said. As he wheeled towards the exit of the garden he turned and added, “And please visit by later.” Then he was gone. 

Your shoulders sagged with stress and you felt like the world was going to crush you under it’s weight. You stood on shaking legs and began a walk to your tree, hands sweating profusely and shaking. Once you reached the tree, your legs nearly collapsed when you sat. You set your head back, eyes drifting closed and you passed out. 


	3. Chapter 3

You were standing in the brush near Erik’s house, the sparse foliage doing little to conceal you but it didn’t matter, you hadn’t physically manifested yet. You took cautious steps out of the line of trees, looking around for him. It seemed he hadn’t gotten home from work. The place felt familiar but foreign, and you wondered briefly if you would ever find peace in the place. Poland was a beautiful country, and when you were still with Erik years previous he would talk about it for hours. Sometimes he would say things in Polish to you, sometimes he’d tell you his favourite phrases, stories, poems, etc. that were Polish. But now, anything to do with the Eastern country made you feel bittersweet. 

You, being physically not present, stepped through the wall of his home, arriving in the kitchen. You examined the inside of his home, looking around at the plain decor. You were busy looking at a painting on the wall when tires rolled onto the gravel and dirt outside. Paying no mind you continued into the dining room. You didn’t flinch when the door opened, and shut subsequently. He had arrived. 

Not ready to face him, you drifted into the living room, casually running a hand along the couch. His boots traveled into the kitchen and he mumbled to himself in Polish then ruffled through cabinets and a cupboard. You weren’t ready to see him quite yet, so you kept in the living room. You hadn’t noticed you’d manifested physically to where Erik could see you until you were pushed to the ground and pinned to the floor. 

Your breath caught in your throat and you couldn’t believe you had let yourself slip. You vanished and appeared five feet away from him, standing defensively. Before he saw your face, Erik growled out, “Who are yo-” And then he saw the face he had once claimed to love. His jaw clamped shut, and he stood stiffly. “(y/n).” A name he hadn’t uttered in years fell familiarly off his lips. 

You swallowed the lump in your throat. “Erik.” You looked him in the eye, and did everything you could to not wail and sob at that very moment. You swallowed again, the lump refusing to cease. Erik appeared just as uncomfortable, a unbearable clinging to the room. You knew if you tried to speak any that there likely would be no sound. 

“It’s been a… long time.” He started. You scoffed. With every second he stood in front of you, the anger you’d buried rising to the surface. “I know-” 

“You know what, exactly? Hm?” You blurted. You didn’t mean to be harsh but you couldn’t help yourself from the words falling out of your mouth. He tried to speak again but you cut him off once again. “I don’t even care honestly; however there is something I want from you, Erik. I want to know  _ why. _ ”

He looked away, swallowing noticeably. He cleared his throat and refused to meet your gaze. “Look, I-” 

“You what? Hm? You fucking left out of nowhere when you said that you loved me and now you’ve got a WIFE. For fuck’s sake, Erik. You’ve got a damn wife. With a baby!” You were fuming. “Remember when I thought I was pregnant? You left for two weeks, and when you’d come back you asked if I had fixed it. You’re an awful fucking hypocrite.” Tears pooled in your eyes. 

His jaw was clenched. “This, this is different, (y/n), it’s-” 

“It’s nowhere near different. You broke the shit out of my heart and now you’ll give anything in this fucking world for that woman.” Your lip curled in disgust. “I’ve come to see you a hundred times, and I feel like I’m dying every time I see the way you look at her, touch her, and fucking talk to her. I feel like a planet has fallen on me, and I’m being crushed to death, Erik.”

“You come to see me?” Erik looked at you in confusion. 

“I have for the past year at least. I just push a portion of my mind here, just so I can get a glimpse, a tiny little look at you, to feel close to you again, I-” 

“Your powers have grown, eh?” 

“My powers have blossomed into something you could never understand, Erik. I’m so much stronger than when you left. Charles has guided me so well and I could never have done it myself.” You shrugged, anger still rolling off of you in waves. 

“So you’re Charles’ little whore now? You couldn’t have me anymore so you went after  _ Charles _ ? That’s such a low blow-” 

You stopped him in his track because you had had enough. “That is never how that fucking went and you goddamn know it. I haven’t-,” your voice cracked, “I haven’t been with  _ anyone _ since you. No a single fucking person. To think, I used to hope and pray every night you’d come back. Now, I’m fucking glad you’re gone.” You clench your jaw and Erik’s face paled. “This was such a mistake to come here.” You walked past him and he tried to grab your arm which you only tore from his grasp. 

“(y/n), wait, I-” You didn’t let him finish before you were gone.

-

Back under the tree, there were tears going down your face. You stood, shaking, and wobbled down the path back to the house. You ignored those you passed, the concern faces, the questions, and the whispers behind you over your tear stained face. You walked through the mansion doors silently, and trudged up the main stairs to your bedroom. Once inside your bedroom you unceremoniously fell onto your bed. Exhausted, you closed your eyes in the hope that you could just sleep away the throbbing pain in your chest. 


End file.
